Why is it odd for boys to want to learn dance? It takes discipline, focus, and strength. Isn’t it funny how we see these amazing male dancers at an older age and our reaction is one of amazement, respect and awe …. where were they when they were boys or young men? What got them into dance and how did they navigate this discipline as boys? If we don’t have male dancers… Who is going to play the part of the prince? the evil wizard? or the king?
This post has been sitting in my drafts since July 2019. Not sure why, really, but it’s published now (as of Feb 10, 2023).
In 2019 my son Isaac was 3 and I watched him as he danced his little heart out. Caitlyn was already in dance and it seemed that he was heading in that direction too. I decided that perhaps we ought to let him try dance at the same school Caitlyn was attending. I checked with them and they allowed boys too. Then came the wrestling with my own thoughts against those of the world and I found myself needing to “justify” why it was ok to put him in dance; what would others thing and so on.
Thinking back it was ridiculous! Ridiculous but unfortunately no less real that worrying about our kids getting glasses, braces or being different in any sort of way… we want them to be accepted, not picked on. However the bullying that is out there is very real towards anyone who does anything considered outside of the social “norm”…
Naturally as a mom bullying is a concern and I want to shield him from any negativity…. so this post was my rambling thoughts in hopes to help other moms of boy dancers navigate the same and feel confident in your decision to let your son explore whatever sport / art he is interested in.
At the end of the day, if he wants to dance (and he sure does) I cannot and will not shield him. I can only guide him, support him and encourage him in every way possible. I can provide every opportunity for him to explore his gift and that’s what we’ve done.
My son was born strong and remains strong yet he is also very compassionate. I’d like to hope that he will not have troubles standing up for and staying true to himself. I’d like to hope that as is mom I can teach him how to be strong in who he is especially against society
I love dance. I never learned formally except for a few ballet lessons when I was younger… however it’s in my soul and it’s hard to keep my feet still when there’s a good song that comes on the radio or a movie.
When my daughter was born it was natural for me to be dancing around the living room with her in my arms and the same was true with my son. It’s a part of who I am and how I express myself. It’s how I worship. Movement is powerful and fun! My daughter and son are the same way.
My daughter took to dance like a fish takes to water. She dances to the end credits of a movie; she dances when a good song come on and so it was an easy choice to put her in ballet when she was 3. It was no brainer without much debate. We found a great studio we could afford and signed her up for a summer intro course. It was 6 weeks and it was perfect to see her level of interest. She was hooked! Here we are 3 years later and she finished her 3rd recital! Every year I ask her if she wants to continue and she is still saying “yes” so we will keep taking her.
Then along came our son. He’s active, stubborn as a bull when he sets his mind to something and guess what?! He loves to DANCE and he’s really good for an almost 4 year old! He’s watched his sister since he was born. He’s been to all of her recitals and he’s right there with her dancing to the end credits song of a movie. He gentlemanly asks me to dance sometimes and I must say for 3 years old he’s actually quite good at leading! At a friend’s house he started dancing to a song and made up his own moves based on what he’s learned in dance. He’s actually brought friends and me to tears with the way he feels the music.
One day, we watched Mamma Mia at the request of my daughter. He got up and was trying to do the dances on the movie!
So why is it such a dilemma inside for me about him dancing? Why is there this “oh gosh, what will people think” feeling in the back of my head all the time. Why am I questioning how he will be perceived or how I will be perceived as a mother? Why I am I researching about stigmas and so-forth. It breaks my heart that I even feel that way at all. What is up with our society? Who are we as a society to decide for our kids what is “boy” and what is “girl”? It shouldn’t be this way. Boy or girl … an interest is an interest…. and I want to encourage him in the areas where he finds his passion.
My son also loves soccer, baseball, riding horses, cars, dump trucks and playing in the dirt. My daughter loves dance, basketball, Taekwondo, baseball, barbies, cars and playing in the dirt. Why is it ok and encouraged for her to love the sports / activities she does and socially awkward for boys to like dance?
Before enrolling him in class (in the fall of 2019), I asked him if he’d like to learn dance and each time his answer was always “yes”… So I decided, why not and I signed him up so he could try it. At first he was 1 of 2 boys which made me more relieved but then the other boy wasn’t doing so well and my son became the only one in the class. As you can see from the photos he was beaming with joy on his first day. He pays attention in class, dance seems to feed a part of him that makes him happy and the teacher says he’s picking up on the steps really well. — I’m very proud of him and glad I followed my instinct!
At the end of the day it’s really about my son and what sports, activities, arts wants to try…even at age 3.
I simply want to be that conduit, opening up opportunities and encouraging him to try anything he finds of interest to him. I want to be the mom that doesn’t care what anyone thinks and helps teach my kids the same… that it doesn’t matter what people say… go after your dreams and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s time to shatter the stereotypes!
My research and quest for more information
So began my research which led me down all sorts of paths. One is a documentary called Dansuer by director Gormley. It’s a film about Boys braving bullies and silencing the stereotypes. According to the article about the film, Researcher Doug Risner of Wayne State University found that nearly 96 percent of all boys who dance have faced verbal and/or physical assaults from their peers, ultimately driving many young danseurs from the studio.
“We should be looking to these examples of athleticism of grace, of artistry with awe and wonderment.” says one dancer in the film
As it turns out [after much googling] ballet is actually foundational to a great number of sports and is quite athletic itself. Never mind that dancers train as hard as or harder than the many athletes. I even found articles about NFL football players taking ballet and how it improves their game… like Steve McLendon who said in the 2013 article “it’s harder than anything I do”.
Here’s some good resources I found on Boys and Dance. I encourage you to take a look.
‘Danseur’ examines stereotypes of male ballet dancers – https://www.houstonchronicle.com/life/article/Danseur-examines-stereotypes-of-male-ballet-13017999.php#photo-15765248
Boys Who Dance – These videos brought tears to my eyes. The kids are asked what would you say to a boy who wants to dance and they say (despite any bullying) to go for it and not worry about what anyone says. https://www.todaysparent.com/family/activities/boys-can-be-dancers-and-threes-nothing-wrong-with-that
Please share your stories below and be encouraged mommas. It’s ok if your son wants to dance. He’s as much a boy as any other and kudos to you for letting him!
