This photo in this post means so much to me and here’s why 💗
When Isaac was born he was nothing like Caitlyn. She was a pretty easy baby and perhaps spoiled me a little. Isaac has been remarkably strong physically and independent minded since day one. Even the nurses were surprised. He epitomizes Taurus the Bull! Breastfeeding was a huge challenge and I eventually gave up because I couldn’t feed him enough. This left me feeling like a failure as a mom and I went through a period of post-partum depression and anxiety. At times it was paralyzing. It was difficult for me to feel connected with him the way I was with Caitlyn. I could not understand and yet I persevered. I finally asked for help, was able out of the house and start moving forward.
Since then there have been lots of ups and downs. Anxiety and depression still rear their ugly heads and I do my best to stay in the light. To not let it in and to turn my focus to other things when it starts to creep in. Overall it is an every day choice. Sometimes it is one moment at a time. I also take a homeopathic called Coffea Cruda for the anxiety when it gets too bad.
I share all of that because for me, this photo in this post is so much more than him simply snuggling with me. We had company and he picked me. He crawled in MY lap, wanting only his mommy, turned on his side, settled down and drifted off to sleep. This photo depicts my view as I sat there on the couch with my feet up. I spent an hour not doing chores, not working on anything…. and I was perfectly content. I soaked up the feeling of the weight of his body on top of me; his breath and the beauty of the little life in my arms. I hugged him and didn’t want let go.
This dear friends is what being a mommy is all about. It’s the feeling like things are an uphill battle, having the perseverance to climb that hill and then relishing in the sunshine of these blissful moments.
This post is dedicated to my handsome little man Isaac. I’m so blessed he is in our lives.
