Being a mom is hard.
It’s hard because we are still human beings with real feelings, wants, desires, goals, and needs. Yet we often neglect those when we shift our focus to raising up these little humans.
The little humans, though we love them so, don’t fully get when mommy just needs 5 minutes. And don’t realize that giving us 5 minutes means we could be better people and respond less annoyed.
So we must teach them.
I feel sometimes like I have to constantly be on my best behavior around the kids; that I have to hold it all together; and not ever lose it or curse or get mad; and if I do lose it even a little, I’m the worst person ever and probably going to scar my kids. Sometime I feel that I am constantly tending to everyone else’s needs and yet who gives a darn about mine except once a year.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. And I always come back and talk to them after things calm down. So hopefully I’m teaching them that we ALL make mistakes, mommy included and how to make amends when mistakes occur… because they will.
I don’t want my kids growing up with an idea that people don’t ever get upset or not knowing how to make things right.
I explain that mommy has feelings too and discuss what happened.
I just need them to learn that mommy is human too. That just like they need their milk or snacks; mommy needs hers too. Just like they want to do things on their own; so does mommy…. like go pee by myself or change my clothes.
I’m feeling invisible lately. And I’m still grieving the loss of my dog of 15 years so that’s making tending to others even more challenging. Frankly I’m downright unmotivated, sensitive and sad.
So when my son knowingly heard me and did the opposite, ignoring me… I had enough. I took the basket of plastic eggs away. I got upset. I lost it a little. He cried.
I am honestly just not wanting to be around any of them right now.
And I think that’s normal. That’s ok to feel that way once in awhile.
I know we will all heal from tonight’s episode and have fun another day. For now it’s just me, my chocolate and my journal.
Here’s to all the women feeling the same; to all the Mother’s feeling stretched to the limit; to all of us just doing the best we can each day…. and sometimes falling flat on our faces.
Let’s help pick each other up, brush off the dirt and give the encouragement needed to carry on.
I am praying for all of us. 💗
