A day in the life of a mama… the imperfect life… and yet God provides. I just wanted to share my morning.
Last night we didn’t sleep well because our 4 month old didn’t sleep well. He woke up 3 times in the night which is not usual for him. This morning he had a well-check appointment at 9:30 and things just didn’t go right for me to get there on time. Instead of calling, I just went anyway b/c well… I needed to. So I got there and the receptionist said “well, your appointment was at 9:30” I said “yes, I know but this morning didn’t really go that well and there were diaper changes as I was going out the door” to which she replied “well, I will have to see if she can get you in”
I LOST it. I mean completely irrational without any patience whatsoever LOST it. I said (in a pretty loud, upset voice) “FINE! I will just leave then!” and walked out with Isaac in my arms. Ok – not my proudest mama moment…. though probably one of my more human mama moments.
I walked out the door and around to the sidewalk. I crumpled to the ground in my khakis (I didn’t care what got dirty) with Isaac still cooing happily in my arms. All I could do was sit down and cry. I held Isaac, hugged him tightly and cried. I just couldn’t bear any more things not going right. Though on a normal day I probably wouldn’t have fallen apart, today hearing that I may not be seen today was just the last straw for me.
As I sat there and sobbed a women walked up with her children. She sent her older ones in and stopped to ask me if I was ok. I was honest as tears continued down my face… “no I’m not. I’m tired, I’m stressed and I needed to get him in today and I was late b/c things didn’t work out like I planned and he didn’t sleep last night”. She told me to just wait and she’d go see what she could do. She came back out and said they could see me at 10:30 (which at this point wasn’t that long to wait). She took Isaac in one arm and pulled me up with her other hand and said “It’s ok… we have all been there. I have six and I know what tired does to a person. It’s ok. It’s ok.”
She helped me with Isaac while I cleaned up my face and filled out paperwork for his well-check. I know it might seem weird or scary to hand your child to a complete stranger but it just felt ok. It felt like God had put her there at that very moment to help. She was His hands. Maybe she knew that and maybe she didn’t but she was. She kept reassuring me that it was ok and I definitely needed to hear that. I even gave her a hug.
I apologized to the nurse that had seen me lose it. I apologized to my pediatrician and on my way out I waited until the receptionist was off the phone and apologized to her. Everyone understood because they had been there too. Everyone accepted my humanness, gave me grace and forgave me.
This experience was not fun. However in the end, it showed me that there are still good people in the world. That when we are having a bad, losing it kind of day as a mom, God IS with us and He will provide exactly what or who we need when we need it. We just have to reach out and accept the hand that is offering to pull us up.